


Tear It Out

by anxiousravenclaw



Series: It Touches Everyone Differently [5]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bad Decisions, Canon Divergence - Post-Avengers (2012), Discussion of Abortion, Gen, Loki does a lot of thinking, Pregnant Loki (Marvel), Prisoner Loki (Marvel)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-30
Updated: 2019-10-30
Packaged: 2021-01-02 06:41:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21157292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anxiousravenclaw/pseuds/anxiousravenclaw
Summary: Loki has plenty of time to think while others are deciding what to do with him and comes to a decision of his own.





	Tear It Out

There's a small bed against one of the glass walls. A rickety looking chair and an even smaller desk sit beside it. Loki can see a door that he opens to see that it leads to a small bathroom with a toilet, sink, and shower head for washing. Not too terrible of a prison to be considered too inhumane but small and dingy enough to make it clear that Loki is a war criminal.

Loki moved towards the bed, groaning lowly as his sore body protested about resting on such a stiff mattress. He was still healing from being continuously smashed on the floor by that green beast. Loki's hands went to rest atop his still flat stomach, his fingers starting to stroke the smooth material there. He couldn't access his magic but he knew it was still there. He knew he was still pregnant, he certainly hadn't miscarried after the beast's attack. He hadn't bled. He was still carrying his Hawk's child.

Or, he supposed, Barton's child now. His Hawk is gone. And yet this child still exists within Loki.

There had been no chance to check how far along the child was, Loki had pulled his magic back when he had first felt it. Merely confirming that he was pregnant. And now he couldn't check, merely guess. Loki knew that he had only first noticed the symptoms a few days ago and his belly was still as flat as it always was. Or, at least, his current weight gain had been from having his Hawk press food into him but Loki knew he was still too skinny. But he couldn't be that far along. Not far at all.

Loki was still lying on his back, hands on his belly, and staring up at the gray ceiling when he heard loud and familiar footsteps approaching his drab cell. He refused to look as Thor opened his cell, still too far into his own thoughts. He did hear Thor stepping inside and knew the oaf would start to speak even if he saw that Loki's attention was elsewhere.

"I brought you a change of clothes and some towels and toiletries in case you wished to wash. I was informed that you should have the means to do so." Thor informed him and Loki heard him set the aforementioned objects down on something. Most likely the small desk. The chair would no doubt hold the items better. Loki stayed silent. He could practically _feel _Thor just standing there. Awkwardly waiting for him to say something. Perhaps he expected a "thank you". Loki will keep him waiting.

Thor did not wait long.

"Do you really think it should be _you _who should feel so slighted, Loki?" Thor sighed and Loki heard him moving closer towards the bed, towards him. But not close enough that Loki could see him yet. Thor was keeping his distance. And he was not done speaking.

"You came to this realm seeking war, to conquer it. You killed innocents and injured more. You used dark magic to influence and control the minds of others and made them part of your plans, your crimes. All in the name of Asgard and your belief that you were owed a throne. And still, you have nothing to say?"

"Are we to return to Asgard?" Loki asked in response and heard Thor let out what sounded nearly like a growl but with a tinge of sadness in it as well. He didn't dwell on it.

"That is my intention. Father had told me that was what I was to do, to return both you and the tesseract to Asgard. Mother, as well, wishes to see you as we had all thought you dead for a year."

"So what is stopping you?" Loki asked, having heard the hesitation in his voice. "Are you hesitant to return Asgard's discarded monster back to it's golden halls. Even if it is simply to lock it away?"

Thor's hands reached out to grip Loki's shoulders tightly and pulled Loki up roughly. Loki felt his face paling even further and couldn't hold back the flinch as he stiffened up in Thor's hold. Thor seemed to notice and Loki saw him wince slightly but his gaze was firm and stern as he said, "Don't you dare speak of yourself in such a way, Loki. I will not stand for it. Though I will not deny that you will face the consequences of your actions once we return to Asgard. But as for now we have to wait here."

"Why?" Loki asked, trying to break out of Thor's hold. Thor quickly let him go but did not step away, practically crowding him.

"Because your crimes were against the mortals on this realm and they insist that they should be the ones to deal with you. I have argued with them but they have not yet budge and until we come to an agreement you are to stay here where we, mainly myself, can keep an eye on you."

Loki smiled nastily up at Thor. "Do you truly think either of you can keep me here?"

Thor merely looked down at him, or more accurately, at Loki's wrists and the chains wrapped around them. A dark look crossed over his face before he quickly locked it away. He had _not_ forgotten about the chains and did not appreciate the reminder. Much less by Thor who placed them on him. Both he and Thor remained silent for several moments before Thor said, "I will not let them harm you, brother."

Loki scoffed and turned away from Thor. "I am not your brother." He said through gritted teeth as he shifted on the bed in an attempt to get somewhat comfortable.

A sad look crossed over his face, Loki could see it out of the corner of his eye and he chose not to dwell on it. It was the truth. He was never Thor's brother, merely his pale shadow. "I will ask for one of their healers to come see you." Thor eventually started to say but Loki quickly interrupted him. 

"Do not bother," he said, refusing to let anyone poke and prod at him, "I will heal just fine without any interference from this realm's healers. Just leave." Loki could sense the hesitation in Thor and thought, for a minute, that he would have to drive Thor away. But Thor left on his own accord with a promise to return later with some food. Loki watched him leave and once he was out of sight found his thoughts going back to the child again.

He should get rid of it.

He should have gotten rid of it the second he felt it inside him. Used his magic to purge it out of him and be done with it. So why didn't he?

Loki pushed himself off of that damn bed and went to see just what Thor had brought him. Two towels, he recognized the soap and saw that the other bottle was to wash his hair with, some plain slippers, and a simple tunic and trousers and underclothes. A few other things for the bathroom and even a few books. Loki put the books aside for now as he felt the need to wash first.

The bathroom was insultingly small and the water pressure was terrible. At least the hot water worked and despite the lack of a tub Loki managed to get clean his clothes, both the battered set and the new set, stayed dry. Loki wrapped the towel around his waist and wiped the fog off the dull mirror to get a good look at himself and grimaced. His hair was a mess and without his magic, and his hair products that Thor did not even attempt to give him, all he could do was dry it and brush it and hope it didn't look too terrible. His eyes fell down to the reflection of his bare belly in the mirror. Loki moved one of his hands there and moved it slowly across his belly.

He had to get rid of the child. There was no other option for it. Loki was foolish for not doing it sooner, for thinking it was even an option to. He knew why he didn't. And he hated himself for that. For actually thinking that he and his Hawk could have a child together and raise it. That somehow that child would be proof that what he and his Hawk had share had been real when he already knew that it never was. That's why his Hawk was gone and Barton now took his place. And Barton would not care to know that Loki carried a child that, for all purposes, was his. 

No good would come of Loki keeping this child. But without his magic Loki couldn't simply get rid of it. That green beast's beating was not enough to force him to miscarry it. He refused to inform Thor that he was pregnant and that he wanted it terminated so Thor could get a healer to rid him of it for him. There had to be another way to get this thing out of him...

The bathroom door opened and Loki stepped back, tensing up and preparing to defend himself against whatever this unknown attack was. It was simply Thor, however. Apparently checking to see that Loki hadn't managed to escape.

"What?" Loki snapped at him and wrapping the towel tighter around him and turning slightly to the side to better hide his stomach. It was irrational, but Loki couldn't help but fear that Thor would be able to tell he was pregnant if he good a full view of his stomach, despite the fact that it was still very much flat.

"I brought you food. You should eat." Thor answered, giving him a quick once over and frowning. No doubt noticing his thinness and bruises.

Loki sneered at him. "I don't need you worrying over me. Leave."

Thor glared at him but didn't argue. He simply said, "Eat your food. I'll be back in a little while to check on you." And then he left Loki alone in his tiny bathroom. Loki listened carefully to make sure he left, a bit unnerved that he never heard him approaching. Too lost in his thoughts. 

Once he was sure Thor had gone Loki quickly got dressed, did the best he could do with his hair and stepped out to lie back on the damn bed. He caught sight of the plate of food Thor left for him and the glass of water. It was a simple meal. Nothing but what appeared to be a grilled chicken, a few slices of bread, a sad and meager looking salad, and some sort of pasta Loki wasn't familiar with. Loki turned his nose at it and made a grab for the water feeling a little parched. His stomach growled and he scrunched up his nose. No doubt this damn pregnancy would cause his appetite to increase to feed the child growing inside him.

Loki's eyes widened and he felt himself freeze as an idea struck him.

The child was completely dependent on him. It needed the extra nourishment in order to grow healthy inside him. Should Loki stop eating the child couldn't get that nourishment. If the child didn't get that nourishment the child couldn't grow...

It would be unpleasant for Loki and a slow death for the child but.... It might be enough to force Loki's body to rid itself of the child. Or at least guarantee that it won't survive the birth. It might be cruel, but Loki had gone even longer without food and he didn't want this child. Not anymore. His Hawk was gone and he did not want to have Barton's child.

Loki grabbed the plate of food and quickly dumped it into the toilet. It took a few flushes before it finally went down and Loki placed the now empty plate back on the rickety desk where Thor had left it. His stomach growled again. He ignored it, grabbed one of the books Thor left him, and settled down with his glass of water.

**Author's Note:**

> The interaction between Loki and Clint will be coming up at some point later in this series.


End file.
